Let me preface with I have the sweetest fiancé ever. Well, that’s actually a lie. He is quite a dbag on the reg – but he has very nice moments. Let’s start again – I have a fiancé who does really sweet stuff for me sometimes.
He is working out of town for the next two years (bummmerrrrr) and he came up to visit this weekend so we could celebrate Valentine’s Day. I’ve never been a fan of the holiday really – in high school, I wore black every VDay. By senior year the school caught on and over half the student body did too – ANTI VDAY ALL THE WAY! It was Valentine’s Day yesterday and even though I have a honey, I still wore all black. Okay I’m off on a tangent, back to the story.
He picked me up last night and when I opened the door he had a big stuffed monkey seat belted in, holding a box of chocolates and a rose, with some obnoxiously loud love song on the radio. It was honestly adorable. We tried to go to one of our favorite restaurants to drink our favorite (well my favorite) Strawberry Blonde Beer (it’s the closest thing to a pink beer there is). Bummer #1.) The damn restaurant changed names and NOT ONLY did they not sell my beer, but they didn’t have the pasta that I always order! I’m very sensitive when it comes to my food – fyi.
Our next stop was MUCH better. We found a small movie theatre by the lake and WHAT DO YOU KNOW they sold BEER and WINE! (I am TOTALLY recommending OUR TOWN CINEMAS in Davidson, NC) Even better, they sell MY beer – yummm Strawberry Blonde Beer!!! The little girl working the counter thought I was insane- I literally threw a parade over it.
SIDE NOTE **We watched 127 hours – which was good, but not what I thought. If you have a weak stomach, you’ll need a beer to keep you occupied.
Fiancé was being super cute and extra mushy. I’d repeat the sweet nothing he was whispering in my ear, but honestly I was too in love with my beer to pay him much attention.
We head home and it’s off to the good stuff – you know – the late night good stuff. I have on my Vday attire, we have the love dice out and things are looking good. Fiancé offers to give me a back rub and I am totally down (we all know where back rubs lead). He takes off my shirt, rolls me over and begins the massage. Aaahhh ----- next thing you know.......... THE BASTARD FARTS WHILE SITTING ON TOP OF ME! Are you kidding?! Not even a quiet one - and it WAS NOT an accident! He laughed hysterically and I was PISSED!!!!!!!!!!!! Not only did it make me mad because it is DISGUISTING but because we have had this conversation – he’s NOT ALLOWED TO FART BEFORE WE HAVE SEX!! I think that’s pretty fair. You may think I’m harsh, but YOU HAVE NOT smelled fiancé’s farts. THEY ARE THE ABSOLUTE WORST THING YOU HAVE EVER SMELLED!!!!!!!
Needless to say, I was out of the mood and not even a Strawberry Blonde beer could have fixed it. I spent the evening on the couch watching Jersey Shore waiting for the smell to die. I stick with my high school Vday philosophy….
VDAY STINKS!!!!!!!!!
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