DESERVING punishments

I follow a HA-LARIOUS motherhood blog and have decided to add to this mother’s post about good ‘ol Wally World.  Her post is about the actions people and their children do at this store and what punishment she gives them for these acts… I shall continue this.

1.)    If you are in line, with a shopping cart FULL of CRAP and I have FINALLY gotten my way up the line and am the person RIGHT behind you, I will be ANNOYED when you didn’t grab an item with a price tag and I have to then WAIT for someone to LOCATE this P.O.S. skort you are buying to let you know it is $6.99 for you to THEN stand there and debate if you want to buy it.  ALSO do NOT do this with cigarettes either!  NO THEY DON’T HAVE THAT IN A SINGLE PACK, YES YOU MUST BUY THE CARTON AND NO I DON’T WANT TO HEAR YOU B*TCH ABOUT HOW MUCH MONEY THAT IS!  Take your coughing, wrinkled, smelly ass to your car and load your effing trunk.  Where I will THEN find you and accidentally roll my shopping cart FIRMLY into the passenger side of your car.  OOOPS!! 

2.)    If I see you pick a wedgie, grab for a booger, or run your hand through your greasy hair and THEN decide to TOUCH every piece of fruit in the bin, I MAY NOT be able to keep myself from picking up every single melon/apple/grape and THROWING IT AT YOU!  What is that Wally Manager?  I have to pay for those?  WORTH IT!

3.)    If your child is riding the cars/bikes/skateboards through the isles and you just LET IT GO, I can’t be held liable for tripping over your kid and accidentily slinging them into the dog food isle with my foot.  That hurt little Bobby Dale?  Aw shucks. 

4.)    Most importantly, if you MUST bare your stomach/ass/cottage cheese thighs, do not do it in front of me.  If I have to see the sides of your g-string, or can count the number of rolls on  your back I will be sick.  Projectile vomiting.  Get my drift? 

5.)    I thought 4 was most important – but 5 tops it all.  When you are WALKING in the parking lot, GET THE F*** OUT OF MY WAY!  Do NOT walk in the MIDDLE OF THE LANE because I may suddenly go blind, or get a cramp in my leg, and SLAM ON THE GAS!  HOPEFULLY THERE’S A FREE CLINIC NEAR BY YOU CAN GET THOSE KNEES LOOKED AT, SUCKER!!!! 

Thank you, http://www.goodbaduglymotherhood.blogspot.com/ for getting me going today.  It feels NICE to vent!