A Sweet Southern SLAP IN THE FACE

I’m from the land of SLAP THAT BITCH FOR TALKING SASSY. Maybe you’ve heard of it? It’s a tiny little town in the south where when you come home from 2^nd grade crying because Susie pulled your hair, you get a spanking if you didn’t put that little brat in her place.

This week I have encountered some of the RUDEST people I have EVER met in my life. They’ve obviously never met the hickory stick! If you haven’t, just ask – I’ll let you know what’s up!

Earlier this week a man with a gold tooth and a baggy t-shirt THOUGHT he heard me call him and his group “boys”. Ahem… I did not. So I let him lecture me on how they are men and stutter his way through made up big words in hopes to make himself look smarter. I smiled and nodded and apologized and pretended to be a grown-up who doesn’t slap ridic talking aholes like this MAN. I was very proud of myself.

I then run into a VERY LARGE woman at a shoe store. I was standing at a mirror trying on shoes. She then sat down at my mirror and pretended I wasn’t there, two inches from her. She did not expect a little blonde girl 1/8^th her size to stand up to her and needless to say it got just a touch heated. Only a few choice words were said to her before I finally chose my shoes over slapping this woman when the store manager came walking our way. I love my shoes, but I might forever regret not physically assaulting this whale.

Finally my last straw came. I was at a club with a group of my girlfriends and I sat down on a bench. A too tan, under-dressed young woman decided to sit on top of me – as in share my thigh. She was so close to me that I could feel her sweat, and she smelled. She then started dancing wit her SLUTTY little girlfriend and as I got knocked around I lost it. That was it. I was done telling myself that I’m a grown up. So I KINDLY removed her skank ass from the bench. When she turned around and “WOAHED” me… I dared her to sit back down. She declined.

I cannot stand people who think they deserve respect because they impose it on you instead of earn it. WTF. Now – I must say – I am VERY PROUD I did not punch people this week. But I can’t promise anything in the future…. My mama taught me better than that.