Men Rules.

In keeping with Elle’s theme below with “rules” I thought I would share a few rules myself.

I am extremely picky about what my man wears. Well I am really picky about what all men wear actually…. And I feel like the word needs to spread.

First of all……………

1. No short sleeve button ups. Ever. You look like Dwight from the office. All you need is a pocket calculator and khakis to look like Chester the Molester. Be a grown up, buy sleeves.

2. Jean shorts are NEVER ok. EVER. Jorts are redneck, ugly, and so unflattering. Unless your name is Billy Bob and you sleep with your sister. Wear jeans, or shorts. Do not wear jean shorts.

3. Your socks should ALWAYS be short and almost invisible. They should not be above your ankle under any circumstances. You should wear white socks with tennis shoes, NEVER black. But if I see a white socked ankle accompanying a dress shoe. I will chop your leg off. Dress shoes get dress socks. Tennis shoes get casual WHITE socks. Comprende?

4. The only appropriate flip flops are leather (i.e. Rainbows). Colored flip flops are not appropriate on men. Unless they like other men.

5. GROOM YOUR DAMN TOE NAILS. Yes this isn’t wardrobe related but in reference to the above rule. If your toenails could be claws and you could hike up a tree. DON’T WEAR FLIP FLOPS. It’s rude to expose humanity to that nastiness.

6. After you graduate from college (that’s a concession, I would prefer you NEVER wear these) you are not allowed to wear Abercrombie, Hollister or American Eagle ESPECIALLY if the logos are big and visible.

7. Ed Hardy. Enough said.

8. Oakleys are ugly. You do not look like you are a sports player because you wear them. You look stupid.

9. I don’t care how hipster you think you are. Unless you are gay with fabulous legs (i.e. Nancy Drew) YOU CANNOT WEAR SKINNY JEANS. EVER.

10. If your driver’s license says you are over the age of 15 the wallet you pull it out of should under no circumstances have Velcro.

11. If you want to wear a jersey. You must be going to the bar to watch the game, having a party at your house to watch the game, or be at a Halloween party.

Um No thanks Flavaa Flav.

12. Your hats should be fitted after the age of 12.

13. Puka shell necklaces. You are not Jimmy Buffet. There is not sand. And even if you were and there was. They are still douchey.



This does not look cool.

14. Taylor your clothes. Frayed clothes, baggy jeans, wrinkled shirts are unacceptable. Dress like a grown up. Buy an iron.




Yummo!


15. AND FINALLY ::: INVEST IN NICE CLOTHES. I know that’s a broad statement. But stop shopping at Target. Men’s clothes rarely go out of style. Invest in a few good suits, nice dress shirts, and a pair of black and brown dress shoes.

See I’m not that picky…. Right???