Rules Part 2

I’m known around these parts for having a few expectations in my men. I demonstrated my rules for male aesthetic here. Now I’m going to talk about something a bit harder hitting. A few of my rules for my relationship (and yours if you will listenJ)………..and what it took for me to hang up my single hat.

Here are a few things I believe.........

1. I am a strong, independent, ball buster female. I do however like the door being opened for me, my drink being poured, heavy things being lifted, and the grass being cut………. by my man. Call me old school, anti-feminist, or whatever you think. You will talk to me for two seconds and know I am no weak livered mad men housewife. The year is 2011, so I BELIEVE I can have a career, be strong, take care of myself, and STILL have a man do man things.
2. Love Languages:: Whether you’ve heard of them or not they are important. And here is the premise. We all feel love in certain ways. Most of us express love the way we feel love. This can lead to a lot of communication issues. I THINK it’s important to find out how your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse feels love and make a conscientious effort to show them that love. Example: Touching is one of my acts of love, I expressed that to my hubs who genuinely makes a genuine effort to scratch my back, give me a random massage, or even (BARF) holds my hand in public!
3. It relates to above, but it’s still serious. Communicate people. Yes, boys will be boys, and their level of communication will always be different than ours. But they are not dumb, ignorant creatures, and at the very least lose the right to claim ignorance after 18. If he cares about you, he will be willing to communicate with you. Whether you’re upset about your nail polish chipping, or your grieving the loss of a friend. I BELIEVE a good man listens, comforts, and tries to empathize no matter the issue.
4. Some may disagree, but I am pretty adamant on this rule. You CANNOT be friends with the opposite sex. ( There are exceptions to this rule, but they are few and far between) The chaos and disaster I have seen happen to relationships first hand from inappropriate “friendships” is unreal. I’ve seen it a lot. And I feel like it all boils down to this truth. All men (and women) have the ability to cheat. Even the good guys (yes I am including my husband). However, I believe on every road to cheating there a choice the cheater makes that is unwise, not wrong but unwise. And that usually starts with a “friendship” with the opposite sex that spirals out of control. And the point is your man shouldn’t really want a girl friend, he has you, why is he talking to her??
5. You have things in your life that are important to you. There is a reason they have gained that level of importance. He should not only accept and understand that he should embrace it the way you have. I’m talking new friends, old friends, beautiful children that come in your life that you are passionate about helping. Your man should LOVE the things you love. I’m not saying he needs to go get carmel macchiatos with your best friends husband. But I am saying if there is something that means a lot to you. It should mean a lot to him. Period.
6. This is a biggie. Your dreams and your aspirations in life should be interwoven with his. When you sit down to have a convo about where you see yourself in 10 years. Those paths should ALIGN almost mimic each other. When I write this rule, know I’m not talking about your new boyfriend you just saw Bridesmaids with. I’m talking any serious relationship over a year old, if you are seriously in love and a long life together or marriage is where you see it going, you need to have this conversation. No relationship will work if you want different things. You need to be able to respect each others wishes and figure out how to create a life you both want together.
7. And tying into the above rule. If you are over the age of 25 and know you want to get married; you SHOULDN’T be casually dating someone over a year. That’s too damn long. Figure out if you’re wasting his time or your own. What’s the point emotionally investing yourself in a relationship you know is going no where. After a year, you’ve met each others family, know your friends, and are all around invested in each others life. All that will come of it is pain and hurt when you eventually break up. Because you will.
8. SUPPORT is crucial. Your love needs to be told your dreams, and grin and tell you he is there with you. He shouldn’t, laugh, scoff, and make fun of what you want to do with your life. Whether it’s stay at home with 6 kids, or run for President. He should be your partner in life, who views your dreams closely to his own. You should never worry about going after what you want because he thinks it’s stupid, illogical, or pointless. You should have a man that says “You can do it”, not “You shouldn’t do it”.

Those are a few for now, because trust me there is more. And Yeah. I have a few. But what it boils down to is knowing what YOU DESERVE and that you are not being crazy, demanding, or pyscho to expect good things from your men. Your crazy, beautiful and I don't even know you and I know that. And I KNOW someone that will treat you the way you deserve, but you must DEMAND it! ( I'm going all Oprah on you!)

All of this being said, let me tell you this. My husband is not perfect. He is fallible as am I. However, I didn’t have to sit him down and tell him these “rules” he just knows they are how a real man should behave. So yes, I have pretty high standards but I also have a damn good man who doesn’t fail to meet them, and THATS why he got a ring on it!