So not ready to face 2012...

Happy New Year peeps!

I rang in the New Year in style this year. The bf and I threw a banging party complete with a champagne flavoring bar, kinect competition, apples to apples, countdown, champagne toast at midnight and of course a kiss. J

This, however, was quickly followed by a fight breaking out which put a bit of a damper on the night. The reason for the fight is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard of though. Keep in mind everyone involved is at least 23 years old…most were 25 and up. One of our friends brought some random ass chick to the party who somehow ends up in the bf’s roommate’s bed with another girl at the party with the 2^nd girl’s fiancée watching.  Our friend who brought rando flips out when he sees it and starts throwing punches. (High school/college shit right?!?) Most guys would just be excited to see 2 girls hooking up…nope not our friend. He goes batshit instead. We kick 2^nd girl and her fiancée out…calm our friend down and try to get on with the party when they decide to come back. I happen to open the door and get bulldozed by this bitch screaming. This is where I got mad and literally kicked her the fuck out of the bf’s apartment…with my 5 inch glittery heels.

Not to worry, by that time we were all too shit faced to really care and the party continued on.

Since then I’ve been busy celebrating by stuffing my face with chocolate and watching approximately 12 consecutive hours of Law & Order: SVU. I’ve been putting off reality for a while…along with resolutions…maybe by next week I’ll have my life back together enough to figure out what I want out of 2012.

Red Holiday Treats

Red is one of my favorite colors.  This time of year makes me happy because I can sport as many red things as I want!  Here are a few of my favorite red things on my must have wish list:

OPI Muppet Collection:  Gettin’ Miss Piggy With It

1950's Vintage "Lilli Diamond" Ruby Red Taffeta Holiday dress

Dennis Basso Patent Leather Red Jacket

MAC Russian Red Lipstick

Laredo Dark Red Mad Dog Snip Toe Cowboy Boots

Michael Kors Watch with Runway Face

-Louboutin Classic Black Heels with Red Soles

Christmas Shopping Ventures

Dear Mother of the Year, 

Ma’am, I understand that you have 3 children and obviously no nanny (bless your heart).  But you see, despite the fact that you clearly have your hands full, I don’t appreciate your children running circles around me.  Now I feel bad for you, and hate that I’m having to be the one to tell you this, but I’m betting that these lovely craft items that you seem to have needed so badly from Michae'ls could have waited ‘til you had a sitter.  

You see, I come in Michael's and there is your little girl (I’m guessing she’s 4 or 5 years old?) playing with a display.  She knocks it over.  She then starts screaming at the top of her lungs “MOMMY!!!!  I BROKE IT!!!”  (on repeat).  But there was no “mommy” in site.  As I stand there for a second and consider monitoring the child until I find you so that no one KIDNAPS her, another child (maybe 3?) comes ZOOMING past me almost knocking me backwards.  Forgetting the broken display, the girl goes chasing after him.  Still – no mother in site.  

I continue shopping and your children LITERALLY run around THE ENTIRE STORE screaming, laughing and knocking things over.  At this point I’m thinking some mom dropped them off and HOPED someone would kidnap them.  NOPE.  FINALLY you, with a third child strapped to you and a cart full of items, come strolling over and take them away.  Oh don’t worry – no apology needed for the merchandise they damaged or the little old lady on the paint isle who just had a heart attack. 

Merry Christmas,

Thanks Y'all

In true Straight Up Sundays/Thanksgiving spirit, I want to list the top 10 things I am most thankful for this holiday season:

1.)    The fact that white wine doesn’t stain your teeth (can’t see cavities in pictures).

2.)    Small things that vibrate.  Being single isn’t that bad after all. 0=)

 

3.)    Miranda Lambert will be in Charlotte in January.  Praise the Country Lords.  

4.)    Jack Daniels Honey.  Soothes my soul every Sunday.

5.)    That my panthers are THE BOMB.COM this year (relatively speaking).  Cam Newton, would you like to come to my house for Thanksgiving?  Maybe Steve Smith can be your date?

6.)    Stretchy pants.  You will not see me in jeans on Thanksgiving day…. If so, they’ll likely be unzipped.

7.)    When my roommates clean.  Nothing makes me smile more than when I come home dreading to have to clean the kitchen and someone already did it for me.  LOVE! <3

8.)    Hot sauce.  Because that $#*^ t tastes good on everything.  Sorry, Chef.

9.)    Top Chef Texas’ new contestant, Chris Crary.  Yummy!

10.) These bitches on the blog with me… even though they NEVER BLOG ANYMORE!  (YEP that’s me calling y’all out).

Happy Thanksgiving, Sunday Lovers! 

TOO OLD to be this DUMB

I have realized why 25 year olds aren’t supposed to get black out on the weekends.

We make stupid decisions.  JUST AS STUPID as the decisions we made when we were 21, however, now we’re too old to hang like we did back in the day.  WE ALSO have accumulated a MASS AMOUNT of ex boyfriends to drunk dial.  Remember how many ex’s we had on speed dial for drunken nights in our younger 20’s?  Multiply that by 10.

Now the REALLLL REASON we can’t get waste face anymore, is because we have REAL jobs that require us to look decent, not smell like vodka, and show our face at 8am on Monday mornings.   I would like to crawl under my desk, next to my heater, go to sleep and wake up sometime Wednesday afternoon.  

Jack Daniels = 1, Me = 0.  

May the thrift gods shine upon me

I woke up the other day and walked outside and didn't start sweating automatically!! Woo hoo!! Fall is finally on the way. :)

My mind automatically started thinking about what I'm going to wear this fall/winter...and then a mini-panic attack ensued because...well...I gave away most of my winter/fall wardrobe bc I didn't like it anymore/it didn't fit...so I've really got nothing to work with. Thank goodness I love thrifting and have a good cheap tailor. My plan is to go out Wednesday and find some essentials that I can beef up my wardrobe with. Being the OCD list maker that I am I hopped onto Pinterest to see get some inspiration...then scooted to Polyvore to create an inspiration board...and here it is. I'm looking for scarves, blazers, messenger bags and riding boots. The boots are a long shot...but you never know what you will find.

Wish me luck!! :)

Lessons Learned

Condoms are cheaper than the morning after pill.


Have a safe labor day weekend.

You Can't Make a Hoe a Housewife... or can you?

Many of you may have heard the phrase, “you can’t turn a hoe into a housewife” and I always believed that to be true… until I met my roommate. Let’s just call her Daisy for blowing up the spots- sake. Now Daisy has always been A LOT of fun, a huge partier and has the best, most classic one-night-stand stories I’ve EVER heard in my life. She was the essential single girl, playing the field with more game than I’ve ever seen a guy do. She had 2 real relationships going at the same time along with some other “flavors of the week.” Until I met Miss Daisy, I had really never seen a girl play the field BETTER than a man. And I LOVED her for it! She was so proud of her ability to sleep with guys without feelings and used and abused them like they have done to us for centuries… until she fell off the love tree and hit every stupid branch on the way down. Now this once Hit’em & Quit’em Queen is a huge cheeseball mess, head over heels for only ONE MAN. Some days I can’t believe it happened to her but she is a changed woman and the happiest I’ve ever seen her. So ya see kids, the lesson for today is you really can make a hoe a housewife! Ahh Bless.

Good Morning Baltimore

I'm singing like that fat bitch in Hairspray y'all!!! Good Morning Baltimore!! Well its been close to a week now since I have up and moved from Charlotte NC to Baltimore MD.  I have to gush that I just love it so far.  I haven't used my car once since i have driven it into its parking space, I can walk to all kinds of cute bars and restaurants, and the new job is going splendid!  Now, there is a little set-back....Moma has to ride a public bus to and from work.  THANK GOD it's free....can you picture me with my Lisa Frank notebook observing the freak shows that get on and off that bus.   Again, thank god its free...I don't have to pay to park / don't have the crazy gas expenses i used to have, and Mrs. Two Buck Chuck will be happy to know that i am helping the environment by taking public transportation.  On the job front, I work in such a 180 Degree difference.  They are sooo supportive and excited about my progression.  I have even been put on the fast track to management basically.  So as for now...everything is looking good (we'll see how i fair in the upcoming winter LOL).  I will be going out for my first hot mess weekend in town, so stay tuned for more scandalous stories next week!

 

Some Beach

Somewhere there is a lounge chair calling my name…

How sad is it that it is labor day weekend and I have nowhere to go =(

Definitely having a “woah is me” kind of day.  Maybe if I make myself margaritas and sit on my back porch this weekend I’ll feel a little better..

Waahhh!!