T-G-I- WhatTheFuck?

So, here’s a fun one for you. I decided to stay in and relax last Friday and just have a few girlfriends over for some beers on the balcony. Well my one friend we will call, Jenna came over about 8pm after being at happy hour since 3pm. Jenna is a school teacher for emotionally disturbed (bad-ass) kids and clearly needed several cocktails on this particular Friday afternoon. Well, Jenna is hanging out having a good time and then out of nowhere decides that she wants to go home and she wants to drive herself. Now, at this point Jenna is blacked-out and cross-eyed so you know there is no way in HELL I’m letting her drive herself home. She is increasingly becoming more and more upset over the fact that we took her car keys away and told her to go lay on the couch or get herself a cab home. She did not appreciate either of these options. Instead, Jenna literally throws a 2nd grade TANTRUM on my porch screaming at the top of her lungs and causing a scene for the whole neighborhood. Now Jenna doesn't even know where her car is at this point and she is slurring all sorts of ridiculous things that don’t even make sense. I can only help but laugh at how stupid and drunk she is and naturally, she didn’t take that well either. She slams her fist on the patio table, which smashes two beer bottles onto the floor. Where my new puppy is laying. I DIDN’T TAKE THAT VERY WELL. I’m usually one to stay quite calm in most situations, but homegirl pushed the right button with me when she disrespected my shit, in my house, MY PUPPY. There was a split second there where I actually saw red, but luckily I didn’t chokeslam or knock her out (now I wish I would have) but just grabbed her by the shoulders and pushed her ass down to the floor so she could calm the hell down. I then had to talk my best friend into not beating the shit out of Jenna because we knew this crazy bitch would call the cops and then we would get arrested for murder. So we decided that it would be best (for Jenna’s safety) for her other friend, Katie to come pick her up and drive her ass home, which she did. But Jenna didn’t go quietly. There was crying and screaming and I hate yous all because we wouldn’t give her car keys back. We didn’t trust that lunatic bitch not to drive. So a long story (and night) short, she went home and we thought that was finally the end of our drama-filled night. Boy were we wrong. We then heard a pounding on our door around 1am and look who it is- Jenna and some dumb-ass girl that she talked into driving her BACK to our house to get her keys. JENNA- FOR THE LAST GOD DAMN TIME, YOU ARE NOT GETTING YOUR FUCIKING KEYS TONIGHT. When we wouldn’t let her in our house (I mean, this girl is C-R-A-Z-Y) she decided to call the cops on us. What a dummy. The cops came, basically laughed at how ridiculous the situation was, told me I did the right thing (duh) and gave her a breathalyzer. And just as I suspected, 4 hours after her last drink she still failed that fucker. Yep, it feels awesome being right. So my friends and I had a good number of beers after this event to relax and calm down after all this insanity. The next morning, sure as shit she is calling and texting - I’m sorrys and I don’t remember anything, blah, blah, blah. Go Fuck Yourself. Thanks. I’m taking some time away from this bat-shit (like a few weeks away) then I will think about letting her apologize to me sober. How’s that for a quiet Friday night in?