I will bitch slap you.

Helloooooo…..

I have been slacking MAJOR – ly on the blog front.

I don’t even have a good reason. I just haven’t felt like it. I have another blog where I post from as my real self, well as my public self and I’ve been slacking on that one too.

As I was sitting this morning trying to think of what I wanted to post and running through all the ideas I had in my head. I decided to focus on something that has affected me most recently. And that my friends is point. blank. bitchy. ass. RUDENESS.

First… let’s get this straight. I was raised in the South, that being said my parents drilled yes ma’m and no ma’am into my brain. BUT.. being Southern does not automatically make you a polite human being. In fact often times you are not. I had to say that to preface that I think ALL humans need a huge punch in the face to realize common courtesy.

Here are a few of my pet peeves….

1. When you are standing in the middle of the aisle at Target, Harris Teeter, TJ Maxx, etc.. and someone says excuse me to get past you and your gigantic ass cart full of Doritos, Fanny Packs, Diet Cokes…. YOU SAY “ OH EXCUSE ME” AND MOVE YOUR ASS OUT OF THE WAY. I was not in the way YOU WERE, and when I’m being polite and asking to quickly move past you. YOU SHOULD SUCK IN YOUR ENORMOUS FUPA AND MOVE THE F&*^ OVER. GOT IT?!
2. When I walk into work and compliment your shirt, you DO NOT ignore my sentence and continue to bitch about whatever pissed you off today. YOU LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND SAY “ THANK YOU”. IS THAT SO EFFING HARD TO UNDERSTAND?!?!?!
3. When we are driving down the highway and the speed limit is 65, and you are going 64 in the left lane. MOVE. THE. FUCK. OVER. NOW. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!
4. When I have been in my position for over a year, and do most of my tasks in my sleep. DO NOT ASK ME IF I KNOW WHAT IM DOING. DO NOT MAKE ME SEND YOU THINGS TO CORRECT WHEN YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW THE
   RIGHT WAY
   TO DO IT. AND ABOSOLUTELY DO NOT QUESTION A PROCESS THAT I HAVE DONE A HUNDRED TIMES THAT YOU DIDN’T EVEN KNOW EXISTS. Are we on the same page yet?
5. And finally, ( I’m stealing this from Elle), when your douche of a boyfriend takes the washer and dryer back and I HAVE to pay extra money for a new set. YOU DO NOT USE THEM WITHOUT MY PERMISSION. COMPRENDE MI AMIGO?

Ok. After that mental bitch session I feel a lot better.

I hope your Tuesday is full of bubblegum, blow pops, and sunshine. Or wine. Lots and lots of wine.